New Year, New Start!

Yes, once again, it's the end of the year and a beginning of a new one. It's my 16th (or is it 15th? Idk  haha) one and it never gets old! A new year is a time for change and start afresh. A time to forget all the bad past and become a better person. A year older, a year wiser.

And of course, let's not forget the New Year resolutions! Speaking from experience, I hardly... okay make that never fulfil my resolutions. Maybe a month or so before I give up....

SO THIS TIME, I SHALL LIST IT ALL DOWN NICELY AND YOU ALL SHALL BE MY WITNESS. I'm determined this time to follow them! So here goes :)

1. God, You're my Man!
Throughout my life, I only look to God when I'm in trouble. That is wrong. God isn't just a person who fixes problems, He blesses you, loves you and is your closest friend. Lately I start to see this but I'm still like an On and Off switch. I need to always, always put God first in my life. He gives me everything I have right now and I am truly grateful for that. :) I have this idea of pasting bible verses on the walls of my room to remind me of God's words. Haha we'll see!

2. LIVE EARTH, LIVE.
Imagine if everyone goes shopping once a week. Now imagine that every single person in the world bring homes a plastic bag and throws it away. That would be 7 billion non-biodegradable plastic bags polluting the environment every week and in a year, it'll be over 30 billion plastic papers! So many animals die one way or another either through this. It shouldn't happen. That's excluding the number of litter bugs who mindlessly throw away their sweet wrappers or their rubbish on the floor. Regardless, they are many other forms of pollution and if everyone just start being a lil' more environmentally aware, we can really help save our planet from pollution. So what I'm trying to do is bring my own bag every time I go out shopping. I'm also gonna try to start putting an effort in recycling and start saving electricity! It may seem small but one person can take a step to making a difference and I wanna try to take that step.

3. Priorities. Studies above everything else.
Back when I was in form 3 and people told me form 4 is going to be way harder, I didn't believe them. But that is all too true. I slacked off wayyyy too much in form 4 and pretty much struggled all the way. I keep getting side-tracked. Things like my love life, music(no more piano this year! yyayy), games, social networks, and in general, the need to do anything besides studying -__-' I can tell you right now I have practically no idea what I have learn for Sejarah form 4 *faints* and if this continues, I might as well say good bye to my future lol. This year towards the end, I showed I can be focused and determined if I want to with my good Chemistry results and somehow miraculously did 4-6 hours of piano everyday throughout my holiday. It's a start lah at least. So bring it on 2013!

 4. Forever alone mode: on
This is pretty similar to my third but it just had to have a column of its own. Last year I can say I spent as much time thinking or being involve in love stuff instead of studying. Worst of all, love affects me emotionally which seriously makes me can't think straight. hahahaha I'm actually laughing at this right now because this is a really hard resolution to keep because love just comes at you when you least expect it and its something you pretty much can't control. But I just hope I get my head straight on. Love is forever present. SPM comes once in my lifetime.

5. Bedtime? What is that?
Okay this is also similar to my third resolution. I'm getting repetitive now haha. But yeah, I was never a guy who want to sleep early, no matter how freakin tired I am. I need to have a proper bed time so that I can wake up fresh and be ready for school to actually learn something instead of just sleeping and fooling around in class. Which leads to my next resolution...

6. HOMEWORK
This has been my new year resolution every year and guess what? I never actually fulfill it haha. Since I was like primary 5, I start to slack with my homework. I have this ideology that if teacher don't check your work, what's the point of doing it? But those work actually help train and bury the points into your head so it's easier to memorize next time. Some of the homeworks are also short notes which really comes in handy. I was going through my form 4 exercise books to try and revise a few things before school reopens and you can pretty much guess how screwed I am with atleast an empty page every 10 pages lol. -_____________-

7. My, my, my... don't you look pretty today!
Yes, I have start to become judgmental. But theres nothing wrong about it. I just hope that I can start saying only nice things about people instead of gossiping about bad things. Noone likes to be judge negatively, neither do I. So be prepared for a nicer Alson this year! I'll prolly be deemed the nice guy and get forever friendzone but hey, it beats being a jerk. And yes, you do look good today whoever is reading this. ;) HAHA 

8. Money? What Money? 
So I empty my savings today to check how much money have I kept for 2012 and it total up to... zero. I spent all my money in school, for friends, dinners, presents and in KL. Even in online games when I start earning alot of money, I go shopping crazy for stuff. I need to learn how to save money and spend wisely next year!

9. Mom: Is your room clean? Me: Yes, there's a clear path from my door to my bed
Ever since young I am never one to keep my room or even the house clean. My stuff is everywhere. I guess this comes from my habit to procrastinate things or only do something when it's really really necessary instead of when I should. My longest clean record is a week. So I'm gonna try to do it for a month first. Small steps! :)

10. Hey, nice weather aye?
I am shy and I no like. Among friends, I'm the crazy guy, the fun person, the talkative one. But among strangers or new people, I just shut down. It just makes me feel uncomfortable being around new people and once again especially girls -_- I get all socially awkward and try to avoid conversation. It's a horrible habit I have since I was young. Hopefully this year I get to show my true side to new people and get to mix along with them well! 

That wraps it up. My 10 2013 resolutions! I plan to abide by them this time ;) Hope you guys get to follow you resolutions too! Cheers to a new year! :)

The story of 'the zone'

Zone?? It's this brand new game that's really awesome. It's about learning the different time zones through planting mushrooms! Cool aye?!?! :o

Okay that was lame. I don't even know what I just said hoho




Anyways, all jokes aside. I'm pretty sure alot of you know where this is headed. Yes I'm talking about...

*THUM THUM THUMMMMM*

Gahhh

It's cool to be 'in the zone' when you're really good at something, but it's never fun to be friend-zoned or family-zoned. If it's from some random stranger or a girl I have no feelings for, then it's cool. But not when it's from your crush.

Especially when it's from your crush! T.T

When this happens, typical us guys (well.. atleast I do lah haha) look in the mirror and start to  think 
"What does the other guys have that I don't have??!!?? :( " 

                   "I'm not good looking enough for her. :/"

"Girls always go after the bad boys. Am I being way too nice??? :o"

                    "I think I'm too much of a nerd for her to like me. Go figure :B"

"Omg, I am going to die single because I am too uncool!! ._."


The list goes on forever. I'm pretty sure anyone who has been friend/family-zoned before would have thought of atleast one of these before. I know I have. Been there, done that. -_- Worst of all, it totally ruins your self-esteem because you think you're not good enough in general for anyone to like you for who you are. 

Of course, most of the time we exaggerate the truth. I do it all the time and it's funny when I think about it haha. We feel like the other person can't fall for us because we're too goofy or too ugly. But truth, it's not because of any of those (except for those shallow people. Which is good. Trust me, never go after a shallow person now matter how 'perfect' she is -_-) but its because she isn't the right one.

Yeah, you're probably thinking about it now and deep down in your heart. Deep deeep ddeeeepp down, you know that too. I mean, if she can't like you for who you are, why go after her? And if she only looks at outer beauty like all those hot guys with their buffed bodies and hot looks, then screw her because she can't appreciate a nice guy like you. 

Hey my friend, it's never a good feeling being friend/family-zoned, but it happens. So what can you do about it?? Cry? Feel sorry for yourself?? Will that make anything better? No it won't. Think of it positively. I mean, she's still in your life right?? And she thinks you're a nice guy! Which is actually a good thing! It beats being a jerk. And no, just because you're friend/family-zoned, doesn't mean you're gonna be foreveralone. It just means God has prepared someone special for you. You'll see. ;)

After all, even the 'Happily Ever After' in fairytale's happen at the end of the story. What's a good story without a little twist and turn?? ;)

So chill bro. God is still writing your happy ending. It's gonna happen! Noone likes reading short fairytale so let yours be long with a few surprises along the way aye?? ;)

P.S. I googled up friend/family-zone and I came across some really funny yet true pics haha. Take a look ;)

I've been... promoted? haha

LOVE YOU TOO SIS WOOO HAHA

Sowwiiee, noone can be as awesome as me :3 

HAHA THIS IS HOW WE FEEL EVERYTIME!!

Oh btw! Check out my friend's blog! It's really awesome :) He post some real cool photo's and blogpost! Worth a read! AdibVun

Yeah, this is him trying to act all cool ;) haha! give the link a try. :) AdibVun

The Right Solution

You know how when someone does something bad or mean to you and your first instinct is to get mad and try to get revenge?? Well what if I told you there was another way?? Read this first. :) A short version of the story.

- Funniest thing happened today: While looking for a car park today, a lady driving a red car wanted to come out from her lane and cut in front of my car. Seeing that I was only a fwe inches away from the car in front of me, I see no point in letting her through so I drove the car up when the car in front moved forward. What I saw next was the lady scolding me and starring at me like I was doing something wrong. Next thing I saw was her son sitting behind stuck his middle finger out. In return, Shi Qi who was sitting behind with Sarah saw it and gave him a 'heart shape' so the boy quickly took his finger down. Long story short, next time someone points their middle finger at you, remember to give them some 'love'. That way, we don't have to lower out standard to their standard by being annoyed :) -


Haha cool eh? Ordinarily in that situation, anyone would have thought of mean and nasty things to say back to these people. I know I would have. After all, they started it right??

But maybe thats the wrong thinking? It's typical to see people fighting negativity with negativity, but have anyone ever thought fighting it with a lil' positivity instead? Like Shi Qi. :) By seeking revenge, we're actually lowering ourselves to their already low standards. Not to mention it also ruins your mood and gives these people the satisfaction that they successfully ticked you off. So what's the point??

So why not change your mindset and trying to think of a positive way to respond instead? Something cool and quirky the reflects the kind of person you are. Who knows? They might learn a thing or two from you ;) And that just might be the right solution. :)

Shoutout to Shi Qi for her awesome-nest and for the inspiration for this blog post! :D seriously cool what you did there haha. 

Decisions

A friend asked you to borrow your favourite pencil. You are reluctant at first, but you agreed because he promised to return it to you after he was done using it. The next day, he told you he lost it and apologises. Would you: 
A. Get really mad at him and scold him for what he did. Then make him feel bad about it.
B. Get really mad and upset at first, but forgive him after awhile.
C. Shrug it off,accept his apology and just tell him to be more careful next time.

Soo... which answer will you choose??

Honestly speaking, if I had to choose an answer, I would choose A. As often as I say this, I always let my emotions come first and influence my decision. This is just a random case and there many other ways our emotions effect what we say and do. Aaron and Samuel, my classmates really opened my eyes. They handle these kind of situations so maturely and with a clear head that it makes me wonder, why DO I get mad over these small things?? And once again, to be honest, I don't even know. 

Maybe it's the satisfaction you get when the person feels guilty for doing what he did?? Or maybe it's a way for me to feel good about it?? Or even maybe i'm just being too emotional and letting my heart do the thinking instead of my head. Whatever it is, I now truly see that maybe there's some things in life not worth getting mad over. 

Let's put it this way, before making any decision, ask youself  'Which is more important. Your friend or his actions??' You'll be surprise to see and realize that your friendship with that person trumps almost anything that person did. Its better to forgive, forget and move on then to get all worked up and be emotional.  

So shoutout to Samuel Loi and Aaron Andre making me understand that life is too short to get mad about these little things. 


Their mistakes CAN be forgiven, our stuff CAN be compensated, but friends CAN NEVER be replaced.

My problem

You wanna whats my problem?? My problem is caring too much. Trying too help everyone. Trying to get everyone to be happy. MY own naiveness was trying to solve other people's problems because I know how it feels like to be alone. To have no one to help and just get stuck in a whirlpool of depression. And maybe maybe...

Thats where I got it wrong. I get mad when things don't turn out right. It's not because I'm mad at you for not doing the right thing. It's cuz I'll be mad at myself for not succeeding to stop the worst from happening. And it hurts alot, as if I'm the one going through your problem, yet I'm so helpless of doing anything.

My mom says I'm naive for trying to help, but I just can't sit down and watch these things happen. But them again, everytime, everytime I try to help, it ends a disaster, one way or another. 

So honestly was it wrong for me to help?

Maybe it is. Maybe I'm not meant to help everyone. Maybe some things are beyond my control. And maybe, I care too much for my own good.

I'm too emotionally unstable, and when I'm in one of those moods, it never ends good. In the end, I'm the one who's doing the hurting. I'm just so... ugh. :(



I never meant to hurt anyone. I just want everyone to be happy.

Teenagers, understanding and love.

'I love you' is a beautiful thing. It brings two people together, makes you go crazy , brightens your day, and so on. The list just goes on and on. 


We all have been gifted with the ability to love and theres nothing wrong to love someone or something. Contrary, the world should learn to love and care about others more. 

But nowadays, love is just a game to alot of people, and it's just really sad to see. Especially to us teenagers. When you say 'I love you' to someone, you have to really mean it. You have to ready to give your all for her and do anything for that special person.


But wait!! You probably think, 'Hey, I'm prepared to do exactly just that when the right person comes along.' But are you?? Let me ask, can you even provide for her? Can you give what you think you can? Do you think you'll even get married?? You haven't even stepped into college let alone be ready to commit to her. Everyone of us, deep down, knows this is true. I thought of it before myself but I pushed it aside because I was too blinded by love at that time.  My mom once told me "Love a girl when your ready to provide. Focus on your studies, graduate from college, get a decent job. Then you'll know your ready."

She's right.


I'm not saying its wrong to have feelings towards someone. I'm just saying we needa think things through. As annoying as it is (even for me), truth is, studies come first right now. Save that 'I love you' for that real special someone when you're ready. Even I still have feelings for girls from time to time, but I know what must come first. Don't screw up your future just because you think you're in love. When the right time comes, you'll know. Trust me. God will nudge you forward ;)

Road to recovery

Ever been through an experience so depressing and demoralising that it just breaks you?? And you feel like you can never pick up the pieces and out them back again. It's the lowest point in your life and at times, you think maybe the world is better of without you.

I've been through mine.

After going through helluva experience , they'll be a period where you try to put things back the way it is. Make sense in your life again. For me, it's truly the roller coaster ride. One day you feel so confident and so alive, the next, absolute depression. It's difficult to go through this alone, thats for sure. At times, I didn't think I'll ever recover. But given enough time, all wounds can heal, even scars.

I think theres 4 phase in the road to recovery. Atleast for me.

1. The pain.
The names says it all. This is probably the hardest part of it all. Its when your stripped of everything you once held close. You just feel so empty and you just seem to make bad judgement everyday. The only thing you feel like doing is crawl up in bed and cry or listen to emo songs all day. Don't forget the depress feeling and the feeling of absolute regret. Its terrible, just terrible.

2. Pretending.
This is the time when you think you've recovered... but you don't. The pain is there. Feelings still there but you try to convince yourself that you've moved on. You are constantly reminded of the problem and it comes back to haunt you alot. They'll be days when you feel fine, and days when you like phase one

3. The Actual Recovery.
At this phase, life.... actually seems livable again. You got back on your feet and you kinda moved on. It's a great feeling to be becuz here's when you genuinely start to be happy again. :) You get repercussions of the past and maybe a thing or two upsets you, but it sure beats being emo whole day haha

4.  Healed
Nothing much to say here. You've made it :)


I think I'm in stage 3 now, going to stage 4. I'm recovering really well now. Catching on my studies, being more responsible, having fun and just being happy in general. They key is to let go. But then again, thats exactly the hardest thing to do, and thats why people get stuck in stage 1 and 2 for so long. For me, I finally got over it with support from friends and God. Get a friend who understands what your going through. It seriously helps! It also helps avoiding contact with that person awhile. It gives you time to heal and recover, like the way scars heal faster if you don't disturb it. 

Its nothing much here but I just thought I'll share it to you people. :) And if anyone out there who needs a shoulder to lean on or feel lost, come find me. I can't promise I'll help you fix your problem, but I'll always be there for you and help you when you need it. Because sometimes, no matter how tough you are, there are times when you do break down, and you'll be absolutely lost. That is the time when you should open up and take the first step on the road to recovery.

The dreaded day

..... Damn is it me or are the random people who post on my chatbox for apparently 'appreciating my blog' or 'blogwalking' so... I dunno how to say lol. Uhh weird I guess. They're just promoting their advertisement for me to go to their website and hopefully buy their products which I absolutely don't need like deoderant. Okay, seriousy? Seriously? 


Aaaannwayyysss,

Back to the topic at hand. Violin exams is in 2 days! I seldom get this nervous for an exam but its special. Well first of all its grade 8. It's like the final test (Thats if I don't sit for diploma la lol) for me to see what I have learn and become after all those years of learning. If I get a stinking merit or pass, it's like canceling out all of my achievements or distinctions I got in the past. That would really suck. ._.


PPLUUS, I faced a similar situation for my grade 8 piano exams 2 years back. I was super confident because I've been getting distinction from grade 1 aaallll the way to that. So as you might have guessed, I did pretty badly and just mamanged a pass. -_- that hurt, alot. I can't let that happened to my violin.

I also wanna repay my teacher. Some teachers come and go in your life, but my violin teacher really affect my life. He taught me so well this past few years and I can't remember the last time I said thank you to him or show any sign of appreciation. :/ I really want to get a distinction and dedicate that to my teacher. I really love him as a teacher and this just may be my chance to show it.


I've been working my ass of life siao. Today I did 6 hours -____-' I haven't been with my friends or play futsal for a month. Just locked up in my music room practicing. I thought it was enough... But when I went for my last practice sessions, my teacher told me I was 'not bad'. I know exactly what he meant. I was bad. He just didn't want to discourage me because it's almost exam time already. That was a big kick in the balls. All that hardwork... and not good enough?? So dissapointed :(

I know I can atleast get a merit. But I'm really hoping for a distinction! Hope God answers my prayer! Until then, T-minus 1day 8 hours to my exams. The dreaded day.

Cookies > Candy

Okay I have no idea what topic to do so I just took whatever I saw on my blog. So yeah, this post probably has nothing to do with that topic at all hahaha. Anyways, it's been ages since I last updated my blog so I thought I'll just update it with the highlights of my week.

OHHH I GOT NEWS. PRETTY BIG TOO. DRUMROLLL PPLLEEAASSEE

BOMBOBMOBMOBMBOMBOBMOMBOOOOMM

A person finally came to me last week and told me she read my blog and it was kind of cool. HAHAHAHA It felt, in a way good I guess haha. I know, its super lame. But hey, I never created my blog to get famous or anything. It's just sort of my diary. Uhh a diary where anyone can see it but yeah, its still my diary : ) So someone liking my diary sounds pretty cool. #forevernolife #TwitterHashTagOnBlog

Oh yeah! And I recently went to Bali with my family. It was definitely one of the best family trips I had with my family. Honestly, I hated the idea of going, but after I went, it was totally awesome! Haha its hard to explain why, but I think I finally learned how to enjoy a holiday trip. OH AND THE ANG MO'S THERE ARE SUPER HOT. I wanted to stay there forever man hahaha. Not like the one in China where I so gay take pics of every single thing I see. Not to mention everybody everywhere was speaking bloody chinese which I have no idea what they are saying at all. -__- haha I'm soooo gonna post a personal blog about Bali soon.... if I find the time. XD

School starting again this week *sighs*. As expected, I got one of the worse results I ever had in the history of my life. Seriously. Not gonna explain much here. It's depressing really. Watching all those I never expect to beat me, beating me in every subject. Next test maybe.

Lol believe it or not, I'm starting to realize that I'm having a sort of phobia towards girls, every since the 'past incident'. I even feel awkward talking to my closest girl friend that is a girl and a friend and not girlfriend. lol, I guess I just start to feel afraid I'm gonna say something stupid or hurt their feelings just by opening my mouth. Or maybe its just I'm afraid to have any sort of feelings towards girls now. Even normal ones like happy or sad. Wow I need help lol

And this semester has officially been kiasu semester. I have to make up for suckish results. And maybe a kiasu semester is what I need to get back on track on my helluva life right now. But the only problem is....


its so hard lol. It's been like what... 4 days?? and I already feel like quiting haha. We'll see how it goes from here. I'll be lucky if I even make it to next week let alone next month lol.

Thats all there is I guess. Nothing really much to talk about. Until next time I guess. Peace out. v._.

Going Bald: Inspirational person

The Go Bald 4.0 campaign recently just ended here in Kuching and from I heard, it was the biggest and most successful event so far! Great news :)

I have a friend of mine who said she wanted to go bald. I was obviously shocked. I though 'Wow, she had guts. Good for her!'  But what she did it for made me so touched and amazed by her that I just had to share her story!

Meet one of the most amazing people I have ever met. Shi Qi!

I read in the newspaper on how the other girls wanted to go bald for the thrill of it. In fact, I can't remember reading anyone of them mentioning about the purpose of the campaign in the first place. 

But this girl right here, she wanted to go bald to help the who have cancer and she really hopes the money she donated will save a life, even just one will be worth it. And I know how much her hair meant to her, especially since she's a girl, but she still willingly do it to help these people in need. She put others above herself. Pure selflessness.That's just so amazing and one of the most inspiring things I heard. :') Can't put it in words. Btw, she looks so beautiful :)

How many of you out there will do the same?

The earnings of the campaign will be used to help the people who were suffering from cancer. I think that this is a great campaign and I would have joined to help out too if it wasn't for the fact that our school didn't allow us to which I have no idea why for. -_- Plus being bald is one of the things I wanna do before I die :3

To wrap up,

Check out the Go Bald official website. Show your support!! :) Go Bald

See this amazing person's blog too! ShiQi

Closure

So alot of things happened lately. Man, I'm getting tired of thinking and typing about it -_- But like the title says, its finally time for closure. 
   
Throughout this helluva experience, honestly speaking I handled it extremely poorly. And I tried to open up myself and asked for people's help. God, friends, counselor. Most recently and surprisingly, my mom. Suddenly I start to realize I've been really stupid at late(well... actually i knew it already but I didnt wanted to accept it lol.) and I've just like to write a message to you as well as a reminder to myself this promise I'm going to make.


To That Girl,

Oh gosh, where do I begin? It's really hard for me to say this honestly. But here goes. First of all, I'll like to apologise. A sincere one. From day 1, I made things bad. Things got progressively worse as the days goes on. And now, 3 weeks later, it still hasn't been resolve. I made it uncomfortable between us and honestly, I compromise our friendship to the very limit. I stirred alot of emotions not only between us, but our friends as well along the way. Not to mention I rant alot lately on Twitter about you.

Oh yeah, truth be told, I'm not that over you yet.  
             
BUT, I know where this situation is headed. I should have done this much earlier and it maybe too late now but I'll give it a go anyway. I'll want to give it time. As long as it needs. We already sort of said we were cool with each other, but my actions prove otherwise. Now I'll really prove it. No more emo rants and all that bullshit I've done. When we meet, no doubt it will still be awkward. We're probably gonna avoid each other for maybe a couple of weeks more. But I just want to give you a break. Free from me. I want to give myself time too. To recover and move on. :]
  
Netherless, I know we still can be friends. I know we can put the past behind us. (uhh more to me actually cuz I suck at letting go lol -_-). I can see in the near future we'll be friends again. I'm not going to believe people who tell me when things don't work out, we can't even be friends. Thats just stupid. Maybe not today, maybe not tommorow. But someday. And I'll be looking forward to that day :)


This is my promise to you and myself. And finally, for real, closure. 

Amen.

Truth is

Truth is. There's lots of things about me that I cover lately. Gone through alot and I decide to surrender. Nothing to gain from trying to protect whatever self-pride and reputation I have left. here goes. Truth is


1. I get hurt easily. I pretend I go through it like a man. But truth is I can barely hold it in. I do cry over it by myself in my room sometimes.
  
2. Friendship means alot to me. If I done anything wrong to you, I will fell guilty all the way til I correct my mistake. I always try to put my friends first. You guys are a big deal for me. I wouldn't want to lose any of you guys. But I also want such respect back. Dun treat me like nothing. Gtfo if you don't.
  
3. I make mistakes. That makes me a normal human being. But if I do them, I will do everything in my power to correct it. You have no right to criticize me cuz you are not free from your own mistakes.

4. I'm a complete, complete mess right now. Exams are here and what have I done? Nothing. Today I tried studying and I can't even start at all. I either procrastinate, sleep or go emo. My rooms a complete mess. I haven't been doing much except hide in my room emo-ing with my guitar or playing my psp. Just sad

5. This one is the killer. It's the silence. The silence from you. The shroud around the whole thing. I thought we were cool, but I'm not sure anymore. At times I do over think things, and that just sucks. No text, no conversation, no nothing from you. What hurts more is the fact it was my fault. I just... I just.... cant... :/ kill me now.

6. I pretend to be happy. All my happy post are a complete lie. Yes, I suck that bad.

7. I talk to God all the time. But I'm not finding the answer I need. :/


So, exams still on-going. I have no way of catching up unless a miracle happen. I get so emo at times, I just feel like.... haih nevermind. I need you to tell me its going to be okay. I need you to tell me we're completely cool and everything will work out. Not from anyone else. Then again, I annoyed you so many times, I'm afraid what we had is unsalvageable. All I can do now is wallow in my self-pity. Okay.

A day with The Avengers

Weeks back, when my Youth said we're gonna go watch The Avengers, you can imagine how excited I was! I haven't felt so excited to watch a movie since Transformers 3. And as all anticipated good movies, I tried to avoid googling or asking a friend about the movie. It was a tough 3 weeks lol. 


And btw, I'm not going to spoil anything about the movie. So read on :)

THE AVENGERS!! WOOOOO!!!!




Sooo today was finally the day. I was so excited! I  slept early yesterday night just to be awake and pay extra attention to the movie :3 (which I epicly failed becuz I slept late last night watching football and I forgot I had choir performance thingie early in the morning -_- haha) 


The movie... hmm tough call on this one. Out of 10, I probably give it 7-ish maybe?? Dun get me wrong, it was super epic and the effects was mindblowing! The characters characteristics was welled portrayed and the plot was decent enough to follow. but it was missing something. I dunno what but it was missing some sort of 'oommpphh' to it. Not to mention I wanted spiderman to be in the team!!! D: Apparently a strong guy with a indestructible shield is more qualified -_- 


And me be-ing a slow person, it took me a while to understand the plot and recognize the character's faces lol. 


Other than that, I alot of things spoiled the movie for me. For one, when I watch a movie, I like to get absorb into the movie, as if it was really happening and I was really there. I prefer to get emotionally involve in it. Like cry in sad scenes and get all tense up in fighting scenes. all those. But nnoooo, people around me were giggling and laughing not to mention throwing popcorns around -_- That kind of ruin the mood.... alot lol. They were even giggling in the epic fighting scene. That was a real spoiler. 


Not to mention the lady in front of me was leaning forward!! Blocked my view! EPIC FIGHTING SCENE SUMORE!!! NNNOOOO!!! Its like this, the chairs are design so that if u lean backwards, you won't block the view of the person behind you. She practically blocked half the screen with her head when she leaned forward -_- 


Okay, I sound like a criticizer here, and a negative one at that lol. Conclusion: the movie was great. Whether I'll go watch it again is a different story though. I think my favourite character would be Captain America. He is one bad-ass soldier. :3 Hulk was the most gay lol. And Scarlett was hot. Nuff said here. 
Alson Lai, signing out.  Peace.

Emotions and life's lesson

Emotions. On a good day, it makes you feel like the happiest and luckiest person alive. On a bad day, it devastates you. It brings a person down. It destroys humanity, brings a country to its knees and eventually the world.

Okay just kidding. 

But yeah, emotions plays a big role in our lives. It directly affects our situation and even our judgement.

And lately with so much things going on, I made alot of mistakes. Mistakes which will cost me a lot of things which I once held close. People won't look at me the same way anymore. Thinking back, I was too emotional. It affected me so badly. It started off with my first mistake. I took it badly which ended up with another mistake and another, each bigger then the other. It hurts now when I'm thinking about it  with a clear head. All the things I should have done to the things I shouldn't have. :/ *siighhhss*

Everyday I wake up wishing I could turn back this whole week back. This nightmare of a chapter has to be the worse mistake I made in my life. But its too late now. What is done is done. All I can do is learn my lesson from this. Emotions will always be there. They will always cloud our judgement but we have to control ourselves and make sure you won't do something you'll regret someday. Like me.

Friends. Some had my back, some betray me, some stood there and watch. Im extremely grateful to the ones who gave me advice and was there for me when I needed them the most. I tell you guys now that I couldn't have pull through this without your guidance. You guys helped me with my burdens and pain. I promise you, I'll repay to you guys someday. :) And to those who badmouthed or back stabbed me in the process, theres nothing I can say here. But now I can see who are my real friends.

Not forgetting God who was by my side all the way. During the times I felt most lonely, afraid and sad, he was there for me. I even took out my bible and randomly flipped the pages while silently praying for God to give me a verse wish would help me. And he did. 

So watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times a day, and seven times come back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him." Luke 17:3-4

"Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

Thank you Lord


Oh in case your wondering. I made it out alive.. in a sense I guess. 


To the people I hurt, I'm so sorry for what I did. I cannot express how stupid I have been and how bad I feel. I can never make it up to you guys and my apologies might never be enough, but I just hope you understand that I am sincerely sorry. To my true friends, you guys deserve an award! You got my back all the way and stood by me :') To the badmouths and back stabbers, uuhhh
_           _
   \ ('_') /    < Who gives a shit about you?     


So heres a summary of what happen this week. :
Love sucks
Trust in God and your bros. 
Think with a clear head. Control emotions.
Learning who's my real friends.
Apologize to those I hurt.
Badmouths and back stabbers can.go.die
You cant go wrong with ice-cream
Time heals wounds. Emotional ones too
Homework doesn't finishes itself
Learning from mistakes
Move on

Mistakes and scars.

Idiot. Idiot. Why was I thinking??? :(  It was perfect. Things were going good.... and I ruined it. Idiot.

You know my previous post about a girl? Well its about her again. Things we're getting good. We talk all the time. I even got to hang out with her on a couple of occasions too. I couldn't really believe my luck. I finally got my break and things were going my way. No other guys, no false rumours, no lies, etc. I thought it was a perfect chance, and I still do. She was special too. Not like other girls I know. Cool, pretty, smart and pretty lame haha. Pretty cute too. :3 It sounds great huh? I thought so too.

So here's my mistake. This BIG mistake I did that no guy should ever do to a girl. :/ All da guys out there pay attention, you should know this. It started like this. We wanted to exchange who we liked, the real one. I told her to tell me hers first then I will honestly tell her who I like (obviously you know who). She told me she honestly like noone at that time.... At that moment.....I felt screwed...... I thought....I though..... nvm. Just too high hopes that time. 

I thought of it awhile. What should I say?I was playing game half way that time so my attention was pretty much divided. In the end, I stupidly replied 'you'.

Wtf did I just do? I confessed I liked to her through a text. I soon realize my mistake. Too all guys out there, never ever ever ever EVER confess to a girl you like her through a text message. That is just a turnoff and pretty cowardly of you to do so.

Another thing was that I confessed to soon. I only get to know here really well for about a month. A healthy relationship be that short. Again my mistake.

So yeah, she avoided answering the question after that. And I felt..... what can I say. I knew where this was heading. Front the moment I liked her, this was exactly the scenario I was trying to avoid, but here I am anyways. And yeah, next day she explained to me how she couldn't like me the same way back. Again, what can I say?

I remember sacrificing so much time just to talk to her. All those hours spend texting her. I remember going out to the movies with her. I remember laughing and talking and just having fun together. So much memories and moments in time, all down the drain. I'm so mad at myself right now, I could just blow man. I was hurt, and really sad. The pain. It wasn't just normal pain. It came from the fact that I let it all slipped from my fingers because of what I did. *poof* Just like that. And its all gone. I cannot put into words on how sad I feel right now.

I'm not giving up yet. I want her to know she means alot to me but at the same time I don't want to annoy her with all this. Maybe someday I'll get my chance.But for now...... yeah I think I'm gonna go cry now.

Things that was and things that will be.

The Interschool Chess competition just concluded a few days ago. How it went you ask?? haha maybe its better shown in a picture ;) 

YUP GOT GOLD BABE. YEAH. HAHA! This is group event though. Individual...didnt win anything. =.= so close yet so far :/

To be honest, I have a deep sense of regret. For this competition, I hardly prepared at all, kept procristinating. And yes, I have no idea how to spell that word but you get the idea. haha. If I had prepare early, even a week early, I'm sure I could have gotten a medal for individual event too. 

Meh, next year maybe.

But it was fun, met loads of old friends. Hang out with da guys and had bromance moment together. Had good food and bought loads of unhealthy, overpriced french fries that we're utterly delicious. hhmm :D still can taste it in my mouth haha. Sighh the things we do for food ;) 

Best moment has to be when they announce our school got gold. We had completely no confidence at all that we could even get top 3. But here we are getting gold, beating the other school by just 0.5 marks!!!. I remember shouting super loud and everyone was like staring at me haha. We even got a standing ovation! totally awesome! Praise God. Couldn't have done this without Him :)

Then we had a celebration party at Pizza Hut which my friends parents paid for. How could it get any better?? haha

Congrats to my friend Chris and Walter, for getting number 2 and 6 in the individual event respectively. Awesome job guys! #respect

SOOOO, debate competition gonna start in a week. Not gonna do the same mistake as I did for chess. So I will prepare like siao and pull all the stops. I've got a good feeling about this year ;) 

Until then, Alson out. :)

Beauty??

I'm seriously frustrated. People in general keep seeing beauty as just skin deep. Recently, a friend asked me this: 

'Would you like a girl who isn't that....physically attractive???'

Is that question even legit?? The answer is of course yes, a thousand times over YES, as long as she has inner beauty. Why can't people open their eyes and see that beauty isn't about just how they look like? It's more than that k. It's the inside that counts, the part that actually matters. Why do people keep confining themselves to just liking a person based on their looks?

It's mind blowing to think how insecure people get about about their looks, as if that only matters. And its people who look at outer beauty out there that causes this. Like recently, a guy asked me to go 'like' his profile pic. Whatisthis? Does your photo 'likes' determine how popular you are? How good you are? If you get a 100+ likes, does it means people like you? NO. It means nothing

Yeah, people will always be people. We tend to look at outer beauty first, even me at times. So what if he's hot or she's beautiful if they don't even have a heart? Your gonna like that person anyway? Don't close your mind. God gave us more then just looks, he gave us a heart, a soul, a personality to reflect on. So please people! Just please open your eyes and look at things in a different perspective! My good o' buddy *coughs* PoisonSwitch here makes a good point as well. Watch it if you haven't already done so!

                                                         He speaks the truth!

I've thought I share share this amazing person

Nick Vujicic

He has no limbs. Wouldn't that be the biggest imperfection a man can have? But God bless him. He is one of the most inspirational people on this Earth and he has such a beautiful soul. Respect! :')

Oh! and he has a wife who loves him for who he is. Not to mention she's beautiful and quite hot too! Explain this people-who-only-look-at-outer-beauty. :)

                                       

 Something more by Nick! Really touching and inspirational! Watch it! :')

 Quotes to ponder.

If outer beauty is all that matters, wouldn't God need to send half of the world population to hell? God sees through you and see you as who you are, and not just your outer beauty-

-You can't see God, yet you still love him. - Alson Lai

Think about it guys! Spread the message! Make a difference! :)

YOUTH CAMP

Just came back from my Church Youth Camp a couple of days ago. Just thought I'd share my experience :) Yeah, I know. Its super long :O lol

Day 1

Let's start with my church Youth Camp. Tbh, I wasn't too enthusiastic to go. Sitting in the bus, I had doubts. I starting thinking whether will I be left out in the group and the activities? Will everyone will hate me?? I dunno why, but yea. :x  I felt even worse when they put me as leader of a group, team Bronto, whom I knew no one. ME?? Leader??? Whatislife. It didn't just end there, I was placed in a room where I knew noone again. Sighs.. At that moment, I was thinking to myself  'Lord, let the days past quicker plz' :/

First activity of the day. Started of terrible again -_- We had to design our own flag, make our own wristband and come up with a team slogan. It was.... Let's just say we managed to finish it on the last second :O Surprisingly though, WE GOT FIRST IN THE TEAM SLOGAN AND FLAG DESIGNING!! WOOHOO!! :D What sorcery is this?? haha.Oh, and we now had to take care of our flags during all group activites. I scored the first flag steal of the camp lol. It's kind of funny yet kind of cheating when I think back of it. I offered to help fold the other team flag, which they unknowingly agreed. Once they gave it to me, I ran of with it and won our team 10 points! Felt bad after that though :/

The treasure hunt was... meh. Got last :/ But I thought it was okay cuz my team tried their best and thats what matters. :) The rest of the day was perfection <3  Fun at the pool and beach futsal was awesome. Free time was awesome. hehe I attempted to steal the other team flags again >:D But this time, everyone was extra careful when I'm around. So epic fail haha. Dinner was delicious. Praise and Worship was amazing!! I could feel God's presence there. Felt so blessed :') And the theme talks was really informative! Man, I learn so much at that night. That really strengthen my faith as a Christian :)

Next was vesper. This was my first real test as a leader, cuz I had to guide through the discussion. I have to say, it went absolutely great! Well.... better then I expected anyways. :D Super thankful Agnes, my assistant was there. If not, i stress lol. Managed to had a nice discussion with them. After that, we had half an hour free time before it was time for lights out. Hahaha my awesome roommates, after lights out, we all stayed awake and play :P We all told stories about life and guy stuff. haha, and turns out all the other rooms were doing the same thing. Luckily our room not so siao, so we all went to sleep at around 1230. The other rooms stayed awake til 2! Siao man lol.

Oh, and the team standings were out. Our team, managed a 3rd. Not bad :) Tops were first, followed by Stego. Tops arh, so imba. They were like 25 points ahead of us. Not to mention teacher gave them extra points cuz they had teamwork. -_- haha I remember a couple of our groups were discussing tactics to steal their flag :P Plan failed though haha.

Day 2

Next morning, our room woke up at 4. Crazy tired. Why so early? Well apparently my roommates definition of whispering is talking loudly til everyone wakes up -_- Got up, went to seaside awhile, get ready, and waited for morning devotion. Morning devotion. Then we headed for breakfast followed by morning's PnW. God presence, strong as ever :) Next was Theme Talks again. And Im not jking when I say these talks are awesome man! Did you know dinosaurs are just a few thousand years old and not 65 million years old as predicted by scientist?? :P  Haha, don't believe me?? It's kinda long, lazy type. Look for me if you don't believe. ;) The truth aint always black and white. hehe. So yeah, theme talks was til 12, and we had lunch right after followed by free time again. Free time was cut short though, cuz the advisor wanted to meet all the group and room leaders to see how we're doing. And we were all busted for staying way past our curfew hahaha. 

After that, we had beach games. First activity, capture the flag or fortress or whatever it was, was.. honestly, frustrating. Everyone was feeling that. It was under the blazing hot sun some more. T.T My teammates... oh my ever too eager teammates. They were really excited for the game. So excited, that some of the didn't listen to instructions :/ No surprise we lose our flag within 20 seconds. -_- But you can't exactly blame them. They were really thrilled and when your in that mood, it makes you.... you know la. haha. Plus I was leader so I bear the responsibility of my team. Nether less, the tide was coming in really fast and the game was kinda hectic... So it was canceled :x

The next game was capture the ball. Its like capturing the ball and putting it in the bucket. It was determined to win this game after our previous game failure. Me and my teammate, Jeremy, represented out team for the first round. I wasn't that fast of a runner so I relied on someone else getting the ball, and dropping it. Which actually happened! haha I managed to get the ball and ran towards the bucket. Jeremy providing cover for me. But well.. things didn't exactly work out as plan haha. Guys from other groups were surrounding me, equally determine to stop me. Uhhh... and then.. things..  Well.. my specs fell. And I was afraid it will get swept away by the current or people were gonna step on it so I told everyone to stop first. While everyone backed away, I quickly put the ball in the bucket. I felt guilty after that because everyone thought I was injured, so thats why they back off :O But I was happy though that atleast we won 10 points for our team. The next few rounds we didn't win. But it's okay, it was a tough game. Had to me physically tough. Tops managed to win it twice. -_- How they keep winning I will never know.

After that, we played football. uuhh sort of. We all had to make a circle and teamwork to kick the ball into the goal. This game.. was kinda hectic too. People weren't exactly listening to orders and some of them were playing really rough. A person whom shall not be named stepped on my toe and got it really swollen =.= Whatisthis. Thinking back, I'm proud of my team though, we managed to communicate and worked together as a team. haha. Too bad, in the end, because some groups were lacking people and there were injuries, the game was canceled too. :/ In the end, we played volleyball. We were all new at this and we lost the first round haha. Nuff said :x Not gonna lie, the games didn't went exactly as plan, but I want to say a BIG thank you to Amanda and Samantha for planning the games! They put in alot of effort into it and it's just too bad it didn't work out.

 Fun in the pool and free time was same as usual. But felt really drained after that. Fell asleep half of the free time. Then, it was time for dinner. Haha that night dinner was really fun. When I first came to the table ( i was almost late o.o), I didnt realize anything wrong. After we all say grace, Jeremy talked to Amanda. She was sitting beside me that time, and I realize she looked... kind of sad. She was feeling bad because of what happen that afternoon. She thought it was her fault :O which of course wasn't. Our group decided to be extra nice to her. We made a rule that Amanda is not allow to serve herself and every time a dish is served, she has to eat it first. haha it was a fun moment. Makes me smile thinking about it. :)  Too bad she had to leave early to get ready for praise and worship. :(  Before she left, we all gave her a toast and cheered for her. :P That wasn't the only thing that happened. Another great thing happened, but I rather keep that a secret haha. ;) 

Campfire was next. Best event of the camp... while it lasted haha. Around 8 something, it started to rain. WHATISTHIS. And we were just about to have marshmallows and sing the Campfire Song song! D: meh. But it was fun while it lasted. Did a short PnW. Then we sat around the campfire and we took turns sharing our experience and what we want to say about the camp. What a warm and wonderful way to spend the night! The rain, oh the rain. Why you do this to us?? We continued the fun in the lobby. We sang a couple more songs are ate marshmallows. Other guest were probably thinking that we're crazy or something, singing so loud and eating marshmallows while it was pouring heavily. hahaha. Half an hour later, we were running out of marshmallows and songs to sing. So the advisers suggested we have our vespers earlier and have more free time. Of course, nobody disagreed haha. That night, after vesper and all that, some of the Youth people played Truth or Dare... or Kiss hahaha. It was so funny! The dares they ask you do, really siao haha. I didn't join though, was emo-ing at that time. But yeah, not going to explain it. Because yesterday we all broke our curfew, the advisers, who initially plan to cancel curfew for the night, gave us a curfew at 12. Nobody disagreed though. Everyone was really tired and beat. :O I was no exception. My bed felt extra comfy that night. Slept like a log :)

Day 3

Argh, the final day. Time seems to passs so fast :/ Luckily this time nobody woke us up at 4 again haha. So managed to sleep til 5+ Still woke up feeling tired though o.o You could feel the 'oh no! camp's gonna end!' feeling among the guys during breakfast after morning devotion. After that was our last theme talk from uncle Joseph. It ended at around 1045, with each of us promising to spread what we learn to atleast 1 friend. After that, me and my friend, Entonio so siao. We went to the beach and walked aaallll the way to the water. (it was low tide that time) Camp rules were that we couldn't go to the beach, so if we get caught, we are busted. Big time. Another of my friend, Martin, join us as well. So us, us three musketeers or three idiots. haha. We went back at around 1015, and we were just in time to make it back. Just as we were reaching the beach, an adviser came and told us we were late. PHEW. MADE IT  JUST IN TIME. HEHE. It was awards ceremony time! No surprise, Tops won. BY A MARGIN OF LIKE 60 POINTS! WHAT? Stego got second and we got third. 5 marks difference! so close! T.T  They gave out other awards too like best camper, nicest person, most sporting and etc. 

After that, we had 10 minutes to pack our stuff and make sure we left nothing behind. Then we had lunch. It was... a sad moment. Within hours camp was going to end. :( The thought of it makes me feeling sad. We had 1 more mini-event before the camp was over. When we first came to camp, we had to pick a number. And whoever that person's number is, we had to be their 'angel'. In other words, we had to be extra nice and make that person feel welcome and all that. There was alot of complications with my mortal :/ Well say it here, but in the end, didn't do anything for my mortal and that got me feeling super guilty again! I apologized to her and tried to make it up to her by buying ice-cream. She said it was okay, but I still felt bad. :O So, half an hour later, we were on our way back to church. 

I got to say, camp was a real blessing in disguise. I learned so much there. Not to mention I made tons of new friends. Eventhough I came to camp hoping it will end soon, I now which it lasted longer. It's things like these that you will never trade for anything in the world :) 

A couple of pics :)

Group 3, team Bronto or blue team. Either way, I love you guys. Wouldn't change any of you for anyone :) It's not the group that's special, its you guys that make it special <3

Mah Youth Peeps!! Spot me if you can haha :P

Okay, im so fail blogger haha. Blogs are suppose to be short and simple, but mine is super siao long. And so less pics. o.o Its becoming more like a diary for me haha. Meh still learning the traits of a blog. :x haha, gonna get better at it! >:D I hope. o.o