Cookies > Candy

Okay I have no idea what topic to do so I just took whatever I saw on my blog. So yeah, this post probably has nothing to do with that topic at all hahaha. Anyways, it's been ages since I last updated my blog so I thought I'll just update it with the highlights of my week.

OHHH I GOT NEWS. PRETTY BIG TOO. DRUMROLLL PPLLEEAASSEE

BOMBOBMOBMOBMBOMBOBMOMBOOOOMM

A person finally came to me last week and told me she read my blog and it was kind of cool. HAHAHAHA It felt, in a way good I guess haha. I know, its super lame. But hey, I never created my blog to get famous or anything. It's just sort of my diary. Uhh a diary where anyone can see it but yeah, its still my diary : ) So someone liking my diary sounds pretty cool. #forevernolife #TwitterHashTagOnBlog

Oh yeah! And I recently went to Bali with my family. It was definitely one of the best family trips I had with my family. Honestly, I hated the idea of going, but after I went, it was totally awesome! Haha its hard to explain why, but I think I finally learned how to enjoy a holiday trip. OH AND THE ANG MO'S THERE ARE SUPER HOT. I wanted to stay there forever man hahaha. Not like the one in China where I so gay take pics of every single thing I see. Not to mention everybody everywhere was speaking bloody chinese which I have no idea what they are saying at all. -__- haha I'm soooo gonna post a personal blog about Bali soon.... if I find the time. XD

School starting again this week *sighs*. As expected, I got one of the worse results I ever had in the history of my life. Seriously. Not gonna explain much here. It's depressing really. Watching all those I never expect to beat me, beating me in every subject. Next test maybe.

Lol believe it or not, I'm starting to realize that I'm having a sort of phobia towards girls, every since the 'past incident'. I even feel awkward talking to my closest girl friend that is a girl and a friend and not girlfriend. lol, I guess I just start to feel afraid I'm gonna say something stupid or hurt their feelings just by opening my mouth. Or maybe its just I'm afraid to have any sort of feelings towards girls now. Even normal ones like happy or sad. Wow I need help lol

And this semester has officially been kiasu semester. I have to make up for suckish results. And maybe a kiasu semester is what I need to get back on track on my helluva life right now. But the only problem is....


its so hard lol. It's been like what... 4 days?? and I already feel like quiting haha. We'll see how it goes from here. I'll be lucky if I even make it to next week let alone next month lol.

Thats all there is I guess. Nothing really much to talk about. Until next time I guess. Peace out. v._.

Going Bald: Inspirational person

The Go Bald 4.0 campaign recently just ended here in Kuching and from I heard, it was the biggest and most successful event so far! Great news :)

I have a friend of mine who said she wanted to go bald. I was obviously shocked. I though 'Wow, she had guts. Good for her!'  But what she did it for made me so touched and amazed by her that I just had to share her story!

Meet one of the most amazing people I have ever met. Shi Qi!

I read in the newspaper on how the other girls wanted to go bald for the thrill of it. In fact, I can't remember reading anyone of them mentioning about the purpose of the campaign in the first place. 

But this girl right here, she wanted to go bald to help the who have cancer and she really hopes the money she donated will save a life, even just one will be worth it. And I know how much her hair meant to her, especially since she's a girl, but she still willingly do it to help these people in need. She put others above herself. Pure selflessness.That's just so amazing and one of the most inspiring things I heard. :') Can't put it in words. Btw, she looks so beautiful :)

How many of you out there will do the same?

The earnings of the campaign will be used to help the people who were suffering from cancer. I think that this is a great campaign and I would have joined to help out too if it wasn't for the fact that our school didn't allow us to which I have no idea why for. -_- Plus being bald is one of the things I wanna do before I die :3

To wrap up,

Check out the Go Bald official website. Show your support!! :) Go Bald

See this amazing person's blog too! ShiQi

Closure

So alot of things happened lately. Man, I'm getting tired of thinking and typing about it -_- But like the title says, its finally time for closure. 
   
Throughout this helluva experience, honestly speaking I handled it extremely poorly. And I tried to open up myself and asked for people's help. God, friends, counselor. Most recently and surprisingly, my mom. Suddenly I start to realize I've been really stupid at late(well... actually i knew it already but I didnt wanted to accept it lol.) and I've just like to write a message to you as well as a reminder to myself this promise I'm going to make.


To That Girl,

Oh gosh, where do I begin? It's really hard for me to say this honestly. But here goes. First of all, I'll like to apologise. A sincere one. From day 1, I made things bad. Things got progressively worse as the days goes on. And now, 3 weeks later, it still hasn't been resolve. I made it uncomfortable between us and honestly, I compromise our friendship to the very limit. I stirred alot of emotions not only between us, but our friends as well along the way. Not to mention I rant alot lately on Twitter about you.

Oh yeah, truth be told, I'm not that over you yet.  
             
BUT, I know where this situation is headed. I should have done this much earlier and it maybe too late now but I'll give it a go anyway. I'll want to give it time. As long as it needs. We already sort of said we were cool with each other, but my actions prove otherwise. Now I'll really prove it. No more emo rants and all that bullshit I've done. When we meet, no doubt it will still be awkward. We're probably gonna avoid each other for maybe a couple of weeks more. But I just want to give you a break. Free from me. I want to give myself time too. To recover and move on. :]
  
Netherless, I know we still can be friends. I know we can put the past behind us. (uhh more to me actually cuz I suck at letting go lol -_-). I can see in the near future we'll be friends again. I'm not going to believe people who tell me when things don't work out, we can't even be friends. Thats just stupid. Maybe not today, maybe not tommorow. But someday. And I'll be looking forward to that day :)


This is my promise to you and myself. And finally, for real, closure. 

Amen.

Truth is

Truth is. There's lots of things about me that I cover lately. Gone through alot and I decide to surrender. Nothing to gain from trying to protect whatever self-pride and reputation I have left. here goes. Truth is


1. I get hurt easily. I pretend I go through it like a man. But truth is I can barely hold it in. I do cry over it by myself in my room sometimes.
  
2. Friendship means alot to me. If I done anything wrong to you, I will fell guilty all the way til I correct my mistake. I always try to put my friends first. You guys are a big deal for me. I wouldn't want to lose any of you guys. But I also want such respect back. Dun treat me like nothing. Gtfo if you don't.
  
3. I make mistakes. That makes me a normal human being. But if I do them, I will do everything in my power to correct it. You have no right to criticize me cuz you are not free from your own mistakes.

4. I'm a complete, complete mess right now. Exams are here and what have I done? Nothing. Today I tried studying and I can't even start at all. I either procrastinate, sleep or go emo. My rooms a complete mess. I haven't been doing much except hide in my room emo-ing with my guitar or playing my psp. Just sad

5. This one is the killer. It's the silence. The silence from you. The shroud around the whole thing. I thought we were cool, but I'm not sure anymore. At times I do over think things, and that just sucks. No text, no conversation, no nothing from you. What hurts more is the fact it was my fault. I just... I just.... cant... :/ kill me now.

6. I pretend to be happy. All my happy post are a complete lie. Yes, I suck that bad.

7. I talk to God all the time. But I'm not finding the answer I need. :/


So, exams still on-going. I have no way of catching up unless a miracle happen. I get so emo at times, I just feel like.... haih nevermind. I need you to tell me its going to be okay. I need you to tell me we're completely cool and everything will work out. Not from anyone else. Then again, I annoyed you so many times, I'm afraid what we had is unsalvageable. All I can do now is wallow in my self-pity. Okay.

A day with The Avengers

Weeks back, when my Youth said we're gonna go watch The Avengers, you can imagine how excited I was! I haven't felt so excited to watch a movie since Transformers 3. And as all anticipated good movies, I tried to avoid googling or asking a friend about the movie. It was a tough 3 weeks lol. 


And btw, I'm not going to spoil anything about the movie. So read on :)

THE AVENGERS!! WOOOOO!!!!




Sooo today was finally the day. I was so excited! I  slept early yesterday night just to be awake and pay extra attention to the movie :3 (which I epicly failed becuz I slept late last night watching football and I forgot I had choir performance thingie early in the morning -_- haha) 


The movie... hmm tough call on this one. Out of 10, I probably give it 7-ish maybe?? Dun get me wrong, it was super epic and the effects was mindblowing! The characters characteristics was welled portrayed and the plot was decent enough to follow. but it was missing something. I dunno what but it was missing some sort of 'oommpphh' to it. Not to mention I wanted spiderman to be in the team!!! D: Apparently a strong guy with a indestructible shield is more qualified -_- 


And me be-ing a slow person, it took me a while to understand the plot and recognize the character's faces lol. 


Other than that, I alot of things spoiled the movie for me. For one, when I watch a movie, I like to get absorb into the movie, as if it was really happening and I was really there. I prefer to get emotionally involve in it. Like cry in sad scenes and get all tense up in fighting scenes. all those. But nnoooo, people around me were giggling and laughing not to mention throwing popcorns around -_- That kind of ruin the mood.... alot lol. They were even giggling in the epic fighting scene. That was a real spoiler. 


Not to mention the lady in front of me was leaning forward!! Blocked my view! EPIC FIGHTING SCENE SUMORE!!! NNNOOOO!!! Its like this, the chairs are design so that if u lean backwards, you won't block the view of the person behind you. She practically blocked half the screen with her head when she leaned forward -_- 


Okay, I sound like a criticizer here, and a negative one at that lol. Conclusion: the movie was great. Whether I'll go watch it again is a different story though. I think my favourite character would be Captain America. He is one bad-ass soldier. :3 Hulk was the most gay lol. And Scarlett was hot. Nuff said here. 
Alson Lai, signing out.  Peace.

Emotions and life's lesson

Emotions. On a good day, it makes you feel like the happiest and luckiest person alive. On a bad day, it devastates you. It brings a person down. It destroys humanity, brings a country to its knees and eventually the world.

Okay just kidding. 

But yeah, emotions plays a big role in our lives. It directly affects our situation and even our judgement.

And lately with so much things going on, I made alot of mistakes. Mistakes which will cost me a lot of things which I once held close. People won't look at me the same way anymore. Thinking back, I was too emotional. It affected me so badly. It started off with my first mistake. I took it badly which ended up with another mistake and another, each bigger then the other. It hurts now when I'm thinking about it  with a clear head. All the things I should have done to the things I shouldn't have. :/ *siighhhss*

Everyday I wake up wishing I could turn back this whole week back. This nightmare of a chapter has to be the worse mistake I made in my life. But its too late now. What is done is done. All I can do is learn my lesson from this. Emotions will always be there. They will always cloud our judgement but we have to control ourselves and make sure you won't do something you'll regret someday. Like me.

Friends. Some had my back, some betray me, some stood there and watch. Im extremely grateful to the ones who gave me advice and was there for me when I needed them the most. I tell you guys now that I couldn't have pull through this without your guidance. You guys helped me with my burdens and pain. I promise you, I'll repay to you guys someday. :) And to those who badmouthed or back stabbed me in the process, theres nothing I can say here. But now I can see who are my real friends.

Not forgetting God who was by my side all the way. During the times I felt most lonely, afraid and sad, he was there for me. I even took out my bible and randomly flipped the pages while silently praying for God to give me a verse wish would help me. And he did. 

So watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times a day, and seven times come back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him." Luke 17:3-4

"Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

Thank you Lord


Oh in case your wondering. I made it out alive.. in a sense I guess. 


To the people I hurt, I'm so sorry for what I did. I cannot express how stupid I have been and how bad I feel. I can never make it up to you guys and my apologies might never be enough, but I just hope you understand that I am sincerely sorry. To my true friends, you guys deserve an award! You got my back all the way and stood by me :') To the badmouths and back stabbers, uuhhh
_           _
   \ ('_') /    < Who gives a shit about you?     


So heres a summary of what happen this week. :
Love sucks
Trust in God and your bros. 
Think with a clear head. Control emotions.
Learning who's my real friends.
Apologize to those I hurt.
Badmouths and back stabbers can.go.die
You cant go wrong with ice-cream
Time heals wounds. Emotional ones too
Homework doesn't finishes itself
Learning from mistakes
Move on

Mistakes and scars.

Idiot. Idiot. Why was I thinking??? :(  It was perfect. Things were going good.... and I ruined it. Idiot.

You know my previous post about a girl? Well its about her again. Things we're getting good. We talk all the time. I even got to hang out with her on a couple of occasions too. I couldn't really believe my luck. I finally got my break and things were going my way. No other guys, no false rumours, no lies, etc. I thought it was a perfect chance, and I still do. She was special too. Not like other girls I know. Cool, pretty, smart and pretty lame haha. Pretty cute too. :3 It sounds great huh? I thought so too.

So here's my mistake. This BIG mistake I did that no guy should ever do to a girl. :/ All da guys out there pay attention, you should know this. It started like this. We wanted to exchange who we liked, the real one. I told her to tell me hers first then I will honestly tell her who I like (obviously you know who). She told me she honestly like noone at that time.... At that moment.....I felt screwed...... I thought....I though..... nvm. Just too high hopes that time. 

I thought of it awhile. What should I say?I was playing game half way that time so my attention was pretty much divided. In the end, I stupidly replied 'you'.

Wtf did I just do? I confessed I liked to her through a text. I soon realize my mistake. Too all guys out there, never ever ever ever EVER confess to a girl you like her through a text message. That is just a turnoff and pretty cowardly of you to do so.

Another thing was that I confessed to soon. I only get to know here really well for about a month. A healthy relationship be that short. Again my mistake.

So yeah, she avoided answering the question after that. And I felt..... what can I say. I knew where this was heading. Front the moment I liked her, this was exactly the scenario I was trying to avoid, but here I am anyways. And yeah, next day she explained to me how she couldn't like me the same way back. Again, what can I say?

I remember sacrificing so much time just to talk to her. All those hours spend texting her. I remember going out to the movies with her. I remember laughing and talking and just having fun together. So much memories and moments in time, all down the drain. I'm so mad at myself right now, I could just blow man. I was hurt, and really sad. The pain. It wasn't just normal pain. It came from the fact that I let it all slipped from my fingers because of what I did. *poof* Just like that. And its all gone. I cannot put into words on how sad I feel right now.

I'm not giving up yet. I want her to know she means alot to me but at the same time I don't want to annoy her with all this. Maybe someday I'll get my chance.But for now...... yeah I think I'm gonna go cry now.