Boomerang

       I don't know if anyone feel this way but I sometimes feel like I do things... Bad and terrible things which hits me back hard at the end of the day. A self-inflicted wound. Almost like a...

Boomerang.


If you know me well, you'll probably know that I can get pretty emotional. Sometimes(well actually, most of the time), I get so caught up and engulfed in my emotions that I tend to do stupid things. Honestly, I feel like I let my emotions control me too much. Feelings such as anger, love, sadness, anxiety and jealousy are just some to name a few.

         Here's the worst part. When I am in one of those 'man period' moods, I just lose it sometimes. I start to be irrational and just focus solely on my emotions I'm feeling at that moment. I do things that I will regret and I hate myself for doing that because with my actions, comes the consequences. I know I have started to annoyed and cause anger among some of my friends with what I do. Once I think of my actions in a neutral point of view, I know I've done something really bad. I understand how they must be feeling about what I do and though some maybe quick to forgive, I have lost some valuable and precious people in my life because of it. It's all my fault.

        But then, sometimes I do feel so alone. Life challenges and over thinking can take its toll on a person. Then when I try to seek help, it's like there's no person out there who could be there for me. When I really need some opinion or advice, some people, even the ones i trust just say 'I support whatever decision you make' or 'anything lah'. I really needed some voice of opinion but the answers I get just isn't helping. Like they're not even trying to help. I start to get afraid of burdening my friends with my problems and in the end, I just don't know what to do.

         With all the emotions bottled inside of me, I had to let it out. I couldn't keep it to myself so I let my feelings be heard and read. I get all crazy and even direct my emotions at the people who cause them. I let it all out and just get everything off my chest. People start to catch on then people start to judge. One thing lead to another and what is left is resentment, anger and disappointment.

          I never meant to cause any of this commotion. I just wanted the people who cause these emotions in the first place to know what I feel. Of course it is so stupid of me to do it this way. Everything I did was selfish and only catered to my needs. I only cared about what I feel which was immature on my part. So whatever I threw out, it hit me right back.
.
.
. A boomerang.