Ready, set, love.

            I know a lot of single guys/girls can relate to feelings of wanting to love and be loved back. I am no different. I had my fair share of crazy love-related feelings from crying myself to sleep, to being euphoric. That's just the great thing about love isn't it? It's just so bipolar. Anyways, up til recently, I have always questioned myself (and sometimes even God) on why my crush or any girl in fact won't like me back. I felt like I really needed the answers to those questions so that I know what to look out for or change in order to get a girl to like me but the answers never came. Until...

          One typical morning, I woke up as usual on my bed. As I was getting up from my bed to go brush my teeth, I tripped over a pile of books near my bed which I never bothered to clear up. At that moment while I was rubbing my bruises, I was laughing to myself and thinking 'Wow, if I have a girlfriend now, she would think I am really messy and unorganized'. That was the moment it hit me. Everything made sense then.

          As a Christian, I've always been told that God loves us and wants everything the best for us. He knows what I really wants and He really wants to give it to me unless the timing isn't right or I am not ready. So at that awkward moment in my room, I began to realize. What if after all this while, I never had a girlfriend because God was actually protecting both of us from having a bad relationship due to my/her bad habits? In other words, what if I was not fully ready for a relationship? It's like going out to meet someone without your clothes or swimming without first learning how to. You can't do something if you yourself aren't ready for it. 

           And so I began to seriously think of all the bad habits about myself that I can and should changed all this while. For one, it's clear that I am extremely messy at home, especially my room. I am also very lazy if you compared me to my twin brother, Alden who is basically the most hardworking guy I have ever met even until now.  Even focusing my attention on getting a girlfriend instead of my own future (especially at this age) is already a sign that I am not ready to get in a relationship.  Besides that you and I should also never change who we are in order to get a girl. If it comes to that, something is definitely wrong with the way you approach things because love isn't based on false pretenses and frankly if that person can't love you for who you are, obviously he/she isn't the one for you!

          Of course, your natural look, personal quirk or family background should never be use as an excuse as to why no one likes you. I really hate it when people go all 
'Aiyo, I so ugly so no one will like me' or 
'I am not rich enough' or even
'I am not funny enough'
 because for a genuine relationship to work, non of those matters. If it does to you or your crush, then maybe he/she isn't right for you. At least, that's the way I feel about it. In fact, this issue deserves a post on its own but I guess that's for another day.


On my personal official list, I never had a girlfriend in my life. It's a funny truth that I am laughing about now because I am actually glad I never had one. I'll be saving it one day for a girl who truly means something to me when I am ready. :) 

Finally after all this while, I finally understood what this means. 

       

Boomerang

       I don't know if anyone feel this way but I sometimes feel like I do things... Bad and terrible things which hits me back hard at the end of the day. A self-inflicted wound. Almost like a...

Boomerang.


If you know me well, you'll probably know that I can get pretty emotional. Sometimes(well actually, most of the time), I get so caught up and engulfed in my emotions that I tend to do stupid things. Honestly, I feel like I let my emotions control me too much. Feelings such as anger, love, sadness, anxiety and jealousy are just some to name a few.

         Here's the worst part. When I am in one of those 'man period' moods, I just lose it sometimes. I start to be irrational and just focus solely on my emotions I'm feeling at that moment. I do things that I will regret and I hate myself for doing that because with my actions, comes the consequences. I know I have started to annoyed and cause anger among some of my friends with what I do. Once I think of my actions in a neutral point of view, I know I've done something really bad. I understand how they must be feeling about what I do and though some maybe quick to forgive, I have lost some valuable and precious people in my life because of it. It's all my fault.

        But then, sometimes I do feel so alone. Life challenges and over thinking can take its toll on a person. Then when I try to seek help, it's like there's no person out there who could be there for me. When I really need some opinion or advice, some people, even the ones i trust just say 'I support whatever decision you make' or 'anything lah'. I really needed some voice of opinion but the answers I get just isn't helping. Like they're not even trying to help. I start to get afraid of burdening my friends with my problems and in the end, I just don't know what to do.

         With all the emotions bottled inside of me, I had to let it out. I couldn't keep it to myself so I let my feelings be heard and read. I get all crazy and even direct my emotions at the people who cause them. I let it all out and just get everything off my chest. People start to catch on then people start to judge. One thing lead to another and what is left is resentment, anger and disappointment.

          I never meant to cause any of this commotion. I just wanted the people who cause these emotions in the first place to know what I feel. Of course it is so stupid of me to do it this way. Everything I did was selfish and only catered to my needs. I only cared about what I feel which was immature on my part. So whatever I threw out, it hit me right back.
.
.
. A boomerang.

The neutral side of things!

             You know there comes a time when you do something and in your heart, you feel like it's the right thing. You even feel like you're doing it better than other people and you are in a sense, 'the best person' there. I mean come on, we all have those moments don't we? 

      
           But what if the opposite happen. What if the things you thought you are doing right, turns out to be absolutely wrong? What then?! Does it mean your view of what is wrong and right is wrong and the wrong is actually right??

Okay too confusing.

          Anyways, this scenario recently happened to me. I was in a group (not going to say specifically what or why) and things weren't going too smoothly. I felt like a lot of the people weren't taking things seriously and I was the only one doing my job properly. It was as if the project didn't mattered to them and it was all a joke. But then, as the weeks gone by, I realized that I was the one who actually wasn't doing my part. I was so caught up in the idea that I was right, that I became completely biased to the fact that I wasn't even doing anything. Turns out, the people I thought were loafing around, did their job surprisingly well and they definitely did a whole lot better than I did. Yes, I'm ready to take my humble pie now.


         It's not only that, I start to realize that I'm doing it to my friends too. Like for example, when we do a project which requires us to chip in money, I'm perfectly fine if someone else chip in more money but I silently get unhappy when I have to chip in more especially if my job is harder or even easier. I know I know, I'm so cheap! But then again to be fair, I thought it was justified at that time and I didn't think I was wrong.

Which leads me to the purpose of this topic. I think some people, me included should see the neutral side of things. Not just how 'we' see it or what 'other people' see it. It gets hard of course because we are humans after all and we tend to see things in a biased point of view. I also think there are some situations where we have to not be so Asian and calculative about basically everything and expect everything to be balanced at the end of the day. It's because that's how the world is and that's how people are. :)


Oh, and I know I haven't been blogging for like what, over a year but I decided to take it up again since I'm so free and I honestly do enjoy writing them! Plus I really miss blogging so yeah.

Kay too gay.

Anyways, peace. Bye. Or whatever. c: